Many people are in negative self-assessment all the time, which can make them feel little and inferior. These feelings may arise from falling short in their comparison to others, a preoccupation with how they look, or from past performances that seemed inadequate. In essence, we learn to feel inferior, which is expressed as self-consciousness about our bodies, our thoughts, our behavior, our intelligence, and our reputations.
We see how feelings of inferiority about appearance can be damaging in Lovely and Amazing (2002) which is an intriguing film about a mother (Brenda Blethyn), two grown daughters (Catherine Keener and Emily Mortimer), and an adopted African-American daughter (Raven Goodwin), who are consumed by thoughts of inferiority about how they look. The film shows how American females fall into the image-making project and how unattractive they become as individuals by constantly focusing on and worrying about their appearance. As we watch the film, we wait for a moment of awakening, when they will see how they are ruining themselves by letting their images run them, but the wait is in vain. This is a awake up film for people (women and men) who are caught in the same trap of feeling inferior because their body images are not perfect.
"Blemished Fruit" is an epic movie for many of us, with many unique subplots. Begin to notice your negative self-assessments as thoughts you can change, then change them.
Your movie
In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about inferiority. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.
Recall a time when you felt inferior. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of that drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported it, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)
What effects did this drama have on you and others?
Consequences
Briefly describe what you get from feeling inferior. What are the payoffs?
Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when you dwell too much on your inferiority?
Is what you are getting in payoffs worth the sacrifices you are making? Explain.
New choices
Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are revealed to you? Note them.
Create a new movie
Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a part of you that knows you are good person with many qualities that make you equal to others. How will cultivating that understanding alter how you live?
As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.
With your eyes closed, imagine living in the new movie you created.
All of us have moments when we feel inferior to others because, to determine our place in the status hierarchy, we have to compare ourselves to them. When we compare favorably, we feel good; when we fail, we may feel inferior. Being less intellectually capable, physically endowed, or gifted in speaking, writing, or the arts is part of the diversity of the human experience and needs only to be accepted as a fact of life. There are differences between us. Some people are smarter than others, some are more beautiful and handsome, some are born with musical talent, while others have no rhythm.
When we take these differences as a justification to feel inferior, we begin poisoning our minds with negative thoughts. Eventually, the negative thoughts weaken us until we reach the point where, in comparison to our childhood, we no longer feel as capable, as brave, as creative, or as fully alive. When we acknowledge, but hold our feelings of inferiority in check, we can experience a healthy sense of humility. When our feelings of inferiority are allowed to run roughshod over us, they will diminish our power. The point is not to feel too superior or too inferior. (Feeling too superior can also get us into trouble.) When we find the proper balance between these opposing tendencies in us, we learn to live at our right size, which is not too big and not too little. Then, living becomes easier.