Mistrust is a survival mechanism. By noticing who is a threat to us, we are able to prepare ourselves for effective countermeasures. However, when mistrust becomes too extreme, so our suspicions about others and their motives are a daily preoccupation, we lose our sense of internal balance, which works to undermine our feelings of security and confidence, as well as our relationships. While mistrust undermines relationships, trust is the "golden tread" that makes them work.

How mistrust can ruin the quality of a person's live is revealed in The Conversation (1974), starring Gene Hackman. It is a fascinating mystery with electronic surveillance as one of the main themes. Hackman, as a surveillance mastermind, lives in suspicion. His suspicious nature leads him to mistrust everyone, which drives him into isolation and loneliness. He has no friends and will not allow himself to love the one woman who loves him. His mistrusting nature runs so deeply he is hardly aware of it, except for fleeting moments of despair when he knows there is something wrong. While the film is a gripping mystery, its power lies in what it uncovers about the personal and social consequences of extreme suspicion. Seeing the film helps us realize the price we pay when we live in too much mistrust. If mistrust is one of your leading issues, "Deep Suspicion" is the movie of your mind to watch.

Your movie

In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about mistrust. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.

Recall a time when you were enveloped in mistrust. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of that drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported it, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)



What effects does this drama have on you and others?

Consequences

Briefly describe what you get from being mistrustful. What are the payoffs?

Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when you are too mistrustful of others?

Is what you are getting in pay-offs worth the sacrifices you are making? Explain.

New choices

Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are revealed to you? Note them.

Create a new movie

Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a part of you that can trust others. How will cultivating that capacity for trust alter how you live?

As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.

With your eyes closed, imagine living in the new movie you created.

Mistrust is a negative story we tell ourselves about others and their motives. If it is a major movie, it will affect many parts of our lives. We will always be on guard. We will hold back from relationships that could be meaningful, even deep and satisfying, because our suspicions will dominate our thinking and behavior. When mistrust rules, we lose our ability to connect to others, which can send us into isolation and hopelessness. A little mistrust can serve us; a lot will undermine us. It is an issue of balance.