People differ dramatically in terms of how responsible they are about meeting their obligations. Some people live with a powerful word, so what they say they will do in a timely way. Others who care less about the power of their word may let obligations slide, so they consistently fail to keep their commitments to themselves and others. When irresponsibility is a dominant tendency, it can make us and others miserable.

Based on a true story, White Squall (1996), with Jeff Bridges and Caroline Goodall in leading roles, touches on many human dramas. It is the story of a couple who run an educational schooner for teenaged boys to help them find themselves and to establish a healthy kind of toughness from confronting the unrelenting challenges of the sea. The film shows how vulnerability can strengthen people when they are encouraged to be brave. It shows the value of loyalty and reveals the importance of being responsible for tasks and for each other. As the young men learn to take responsibility, they grow up. If being irresponsible is one of the things you do well, "Don't Count on Me" is a movie of the mind to explore.

Your movie

In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about irresponsibility. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.

Recall a time when you were irresponsible. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of the drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported the drama, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)

What effects did this drama have on you and others?

Consequences

Briefly describe what you get from being irresponsible. What are the payoffs?

Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when you are too irresponsible?

Is what you are getting in payoffs worth the sacrifices you have to make?

New choices

Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are being revealed to you? Note them.

Create a new movie

Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a part of you that is responsible and can meet your obligations. How will cultivating that capacity alter how you live?

As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.

With your eyes closed, imagine living in your new movie.

When we lose our balance and live in an irresponsible way, no one can count of us, so we pay a price in our relationships in terms of diminished trust, appreciation, and love. We may also pay an internal price if guilt torments us. The opposite is also true: When we are always responsible, even when we do not want to be, we can pollute our relationships with our resentment and ourselves with anger. Having the ability to do our duty and keep our word is crucial for carrying on a social life that works. Having the ability to avoid a responsibility is also important, because it allows us to look out for ourselves so we do not become devoured by the needs of others. When we live in the middle of these two issues, we discover the power of balance. "Don't Count On Me" is the extreme form of having no freedom to choose; "Most of the time you can count on me" encompasses choice.

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