Most of us fail to notice how many thoughts we have each day comparing ourselves to others. Often, we judge ourselves harshly because we feel we are falling short of a mark. Instead of accepting ourselves, we reject ourselves for not meeting a standard. In contrast, while watching the film Being There (1980), one is impressed by Chance the gardener (played by Peter Sellers), because he lives without comparing himself to anyone. He just is, so he can be with presidents and feel comfortable. Because he is not thinking about how he measures up to others, he feels no inclination at all to prove his worth to them. This provides him with a degree of freedom which is remarkable in its power to produce a life of ease and happiness. Chance teaches us how to stop the comparison game so we can quit trying to prove our value by pretending to be someone else. By just being who we are faithfully and without worry, we learn to walk through life as if, like Chance, we can walk on water. If you are unlike Chance, then "Measuring Up" is a movie to watch and be changed by.

Your movie

In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about comparing yourself to others. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.

Recall a time when you compared yourself to another person and criticized yourself for falling short of a standard. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of that drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported it, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)

What effects does this drama have on you and others?

Consequences

Briefly describe what you get from comparing yourself to others. What are the payoffs?

Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when you compare yourself to others too often or too harshly?

Is what you are getting in pay-offs worth the sacrifices are you making? Explain.

New choices

Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are revealed to you? Note them.

Create a new movie

Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a part of you that can be happy with your own achievements and live according to your own standards without always comparing yourself to others. How will cultivating that capacity alter how you live?

As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.

With your eyes closed, imagine living in the new movie you created.

When we pay too much attention to how we measure up to others, we tie ourselves up in knots by worrying about our performances. When we live only from our own standards, we may offend others and get into trouble. The point is to make a choice that serves us in each situation. Sometimes comparing ourselves to others is appropriate; at other times, we must live from our own standards. If we have the capacity to do both, we have greater flexibility and more access to freedom. Living in balance is where both possibilities are present.

back to movie menu/ top/ home