For people who believe they are outsiders, alienation becomes a mental preoccupation. Even when they have opportunities to become a part of a community, they decline because they are trapped in the thought, "I do not belong." Believing that thought is true, they cut themselves off from choices that would help them reach out and bond to others. In a strange way, they long for community and are afraid of it.

Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) is the story of Richard Pryor's struggle with cocaine and how it almost killed him. Starring in the film, we see the background of his life. Feeling unaccepted as a boy, he suffered from a lack of confidence. When he became a comedian as an adult, drugs gave him enough confidence to perform. Over time, he became a cocaine addict and came close to death when he accidentally caught his clothing on fire while freebasing. Coming that close to death woke him up to the destructive way he was living, which changed him. The film reveals how racism drives people into the role of outsiders, but it goes beyond race to reveal the underlying thinking dynamics that will affect anyone who feels alienated.

Your Movie

In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about alienation and feeling like an outsider. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.

Recall a time when you felt alienated like an outsider. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of the drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported the drama, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)

What effects did this drama have on you and others?

Consequences

Briefly describe what you get from feeling that you do not belong. What are the payoffs?

Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when your alienation becomes too extreme?

Is what you are getting in payoffs worth the sacrifices you are making? Explain.

New choices

Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are being revealed to you? Note them.

Create a new movie

Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a part of you that has the capacity to overcome your isolation and reach out to others. How will cultivating that capacity alter how you live?

As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.

With your eyes closed, imagine living in the new movie you created.

Everyone has experiences when they feel excluded and alienated. They may feel unappreciated by a group, fail to share its values, or feel critical about its mission. When we are balanced, we are free to be a part of a community and and also have the capacity to be separate from it. This freedom to go one way or the other depending on the situation gives us the flexibility to adapt to our circumstances. However, when we feel alienated from others as a common experience, life falls out of balance, which causes us misery in the form of lower self-confidence, lower self-esteem, loneliness, and an unfulfilled life.

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