A cynic is someone who, believing that everyone is driven by self-interest, questions the motives and virtue of others. This orientation produces scornful thoughts about anyone who tries to do a good deed or accomplish something great for humanity. The cynic will always see those efforts as a facade for greed and self-glorification. By always focusing on the futility of action, cynics may find a convenient rationalization to postpone taking action themselves. In contrast, there is the optimist.In Second Best (1994), William Hurt plays the role of Graham, an optimistic unmarried man in his forties who decides he wants to adopt a young boy. Given his marital status and age, he is told that he will have to adopt a boy with serious problems. He decides to move ahead with the process and is introduced to ten-year-old Jimmy (played by Nathan Yapp). Jimmy was traumatized in his youth and has a father in prison, who he idolizes. Emotionally disturbed, Jimmy acts out in antisocial and sometimes violent ways, but Graham is patient. He wants to help the boy and also to have a meaningful relationship in his life. The story unfolds in fascinating ways, with moments of sadness, conflict, and tenderness. Running against the grain of cynicism, you are touched by Graham's goodness and his genuine desire to help a boy in trouble.
Your movie
In a moment, you will use your imagination to get a clearer picture of your inner movie about cynicism. The point of understanding this pattern of thoughts, feelings, and effects is to deepen your awareness of its dynamics and impact, so you can make conscious choices and create a new movie to live within.Recall a time when you felt cynical about someone's motives. Close your eyes and replay the experience in your imagination. Then, write a brief description of the drama below, carefully including the thoughts that supported the drama, the feelings that arose from those thoughts, and how those feelings affected what you said and did. (Enter your response in the following box or in your word processor window.)
What effects did this drama have on you and others?
Consequences
Briefly describe what you get from cynicism. What are the payoffs?
Briefly describe the price you pay for it. What parts of yourself and your life do you sacrifice when your cynicism becomes too extreme?
Is what you are getting in payoffs worth the sacrifices you are making? Explain.
New choices
Having become more aware of this movie, including what you get from it and what you sacrifice, what new choices in thinking and being are being revealed to you? Note them.
Create a new movie
Relying on those choices and your creativity, sketch out ideas for a different movie which incorporates new ways of thinking and being. As you create your new movie, be aware that you are of two minds because you have a dual nature. Your duality gives you the capacity to shift from one thought to its opposite in a search for balance. For example, there is a side of you that knows that some people can act against their own self-interest for the good of others. How will cultivating that capacity alter how you live?
As you look back on your work, identify the first step you will take to make the changes you designed.
With your eyes closed, imagine living in the new movie you created.
Everyone experiences cynicism at times, but when it is the main diet, it can ruin a life because it is so one-sided. When we are cynical about other people's motives, we can consciously shift our thinking to the part of us that is willing to believe in altruism. By taking control of the mind, we choose to be give others the benefit of doubt rather than living in anger, thinking they have hidden, selfish motives. The point is not to be in automatic about cynicism, but to be free to decide in each case whether someone is covering up sinister motives or has genuinely good ones.